hail to the thief. got myxomatosis?'s Friends
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Monday, December 7, 2009
8:04PM
started reading the life of milarepa
i was also lucky enough to find a working torrent of the movie with english subtitles, can't wait to watch it after i finish the book.
the 70s, what a magic decade! so many eastern translations and awesome prog rock. what was going on then?
wonder if we'll get the same kinda party after afghanistan and iraq end. yeah, those will end. just one more surge before it's time to withdraw. reminds me of a five year old, "hey mommy watch this. wait, wait, wait, wait i just did it keep watching--"
is there anyone who still thinks obama is legit? sadly, yes. a customer comments on the front page and i offer a little bit more than they want to hear, yknow a little more than the nyt would ever give for fear of upsetting some awful favor and string pulling beast, and the conversation ends with them getting frustrated before they can become panicked by how bad the situation really might be. happens once or twice a day. the lines we don't like, the ones that don't get quoted from the bible and sutras are the ones that say we must do the work to save our selves through study and effort rather than hope for some skilled speaker or pretty face to do it all for us. if we're going to believe in maxims others hand us, why not "if someone asks you to believe them, don't"
is peace of mind worth ignorance? i don't think so. by confronting the worry these situations cause, we ultimately investigate our own mortality. if this is something we cannot do we have no business even being alive.
niko was kind enough to clue me in before the election was over. i was hopeful but not expectant, but by the time he got the party nomination i knew--the promises he made about fixing the economy were lies and he knew it. if, back then, i had access to enough material to see it'd only get worse during his term he certainly knew it. i like how junk about commercial real estate finally made it into time and newsweek. of course, calente with his extremely dark predictions said it a year ago and before that i'm sure there were others. peter schiff probably, that guy is awesome.
fisa, anyone? that's a throwaway, somehow it doesn't bother people that obama did a 180 on that one. that's a huge blinking red light.
and somehow he got a peace prize! when i first heard that i thought the person was joking. who is dumb enough to accept all this? it makes me feel a certain type of rotten inside to know that i will delight in this country's awful collapse because it will finally mean people will realize how fucked the system is and has been for decades.
as a child i thought adults had it all together. around 20 or 21, as i was forced to interact with them as equals, i gradually began to realize it wasn't the case at all. i am not impressed with business degrees and sharp suits, they have been awarded for succeeding at a pointless, harmful, distracting game. the status symbols we're taught to chase are garbage, it is a shame people find desire for the talent to achieve them.
i offer a sincere apology to the future; apparently you were worth a cheeseburger, a boob job, a race down the highway and a big tv.
i see so many people stale and worn down from these pursuits. are they happy? almost everyone i look at on the bus frowns in their neutral state. frowning without realizing they are! when i pay attention sometimes i notice i am too, and then i notice the sort of stress it puts in the face. the body is not disconnected from our state of mind, which we let run wild. also, we do too many drugs(alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, sugar, fat everywhere!) watch too much tv and have too much sex. who wants to stop? easy distractions. they don't make us happy, but if we stay distracted long enough we don't realize we're unsatisfied and before we know it the time of the day arrives when we get to go unconscious and hallucinate vividly for six or eight hours,
in some ever-changing world with no pain or pleasure except what we imagine none of it "real" but none of it totally void either. hah, wait a minute--...
Sunday, December 6, 2009
4:05PM
trip report: the crust worked despite my own lack of faith in it
i blended tomatoes, mushroom, a little olive oil and more avocado for the gravy sauce paste then mixed that with brussels sprouts, asparagus, carrots, peas, broccoli, cauliflower, honey roasted peanuts and hickory flavored tofu for the filling then made mashed potatoes with rosemary and pepper for the top, sprinkled more peanuts on top and put it in the oven.
the tofu is the star, it's like little bits of surprise ham. compared to what i remember from my early 20s when all i ate for dinner every night was a thousand calorie microwave pot pie this tastes distinctly not full of fat; lighter but also less "omg this is so rich and mmm". i dig the trade off, here's to not having the body shut down after a meal!
12:55PM
can he do it? a pie crust made out of avocado, olive oil and flour? for a pot pie with mushroom tomato gravy?
in all likelihood, yes.
an unstoppable kitchen warrior! yesterday's butternut squash stew came out awesome. just enough cayenne for a subtle warmth that destroys the winter chill.
such a happy sort of learning. those aspiring to be a master of flavors are rewarded for good efforts with a delicious meal, but sometimes they are forced to literally swallow their shame. inattentiveness and greed can burn the rice or ruin a good balance of spices.
& keep stirring
& preheat for later.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
11:23AM
so there it is
i never thought i would like phish.
last night i heard highlights from one of their best shows ever("big cypress", eve of 2000 to a crowd of 80some thousand)
one of the jams sounds sorta james bond-y and it sounded like a perfection of the style i am currently attempting with some but not all success. a consistent driving groovy groove with plenty of room for walks. except i would need to eloy-ify it about 25% and add a teaspoon of dance of the flames. and also kraan's bassist and also billy cox.
Friday, December 4, 2009
made hummus for the first time today, it's friggin bomb!
i also bought one of my favorite premade versions to compare them. mine was made without garlic which made it almost peanut buttery from the tahini. the store's version just tasted like garlic afterward, that was the only difference i could tell. and then i put curry powder and lemon pepper and pine nuts in mine to win the game.
it is interesting just how many dishes rely on onions and garlic for their flavors. it has been an interesting challenge to try to remain both vegan and without onions and garlic when making my own food. it demands a much greater ability and flavor knowledge and i don't think i want to go back any time soon.
a science and an art
just like life!
smoked a little on thanksgiving, but haven't touched the whacky tobaccy for almost two months now. sleeping better, not blowing my nose all the time, finally crossed the painfully gained threshold where i get high enough from music to not miss launching to a new album every weekend. once my mantra and stuff gets going again i'll probably be more than excited to trash what progress i made and get higher than i've ever been in my life, but so far so good. i feel much more even through the days, and what things i do want are not sharp like "fuck i wish i was stoned for this."
Current mood: how pleased he is with himself Current music: the nice's 1970 five bridges
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
5:41AM
how fantastic!
waking up early for an early morning at work from an epic dream not my alarm,
thrills but no violence, facing off against tough situations
it was many connected events, i only began to remember walking through a courtyard at a police barracks trying to rescue my impounded gocart
several of the police there were pleasantly indifferent or even helpful and told me to watch out for the angry bureaucratic ones. "tom" clear memory of his name he sees me and understands my plight and tells me where the gocart is, how to get out, he says i only have a short amount of time and he'd help
i get through the impound lot and to the big garage door leading to freedom and some military personnel are wandering around and of course one stops me
asks me something like "who authorized you?"
i fish around in my pocket for some sort of paperwork and pull out a shoelace and some bubblegum which spill out and tangle embarrassingly.
uh, er, well!
i kneel and start to mantra
three beats in i get confused and pause, immediately tom crackles in his walkie talkie or something and the guy brightens, "oh, hey man tom said to let you go. sorry about this. why don't you get going? good luck out there man" the way he says good luck tells me that the mantra worked on him but it won't always, and further that i had some pretty sinister shit that i'd face sooner or later. it wasn't even a mantra, just the intent. what i ended up actually being able to say in the dream was some mumbled bastardization of om mani padme hum and the cundi, not really a mantra at all just a couple charged words, so maybe his implied warning was skillful means to inspire better practice in me.
we exchange pleasantries and i scoot off across the lawn screamsing some song about american freedom and then the song turns into a ballad about all the different ordeals i faced and bested or avoided in the dream(the essence of every event was captured in one word with a girl's name), i land in some gross suburban development then i start to jump extremely high from fence to flagpole to roof to roof, 50 feet each time landing softly doing flips(each jump symbolizes one of the preceding events) and wake up.
Current mood: good job, subconscious!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
9:22PM
the red book finally arrived!
the dietary discipline thing still hasn't recovered from that starbucks brownie 2 weeks ago, thanksgiving the remainder of the wish was destroyed and today after intentionally eating an awesome vegetably stir fry lunch before work i still found room for a bunch of crap at work. how do starbucks carbs win against chickpea flour and soba noodles? clearly i have the tongue of an idiot.
consistent victory saving grace: only small snacks for dinner. doing the big meal at noon or early afternoon changes everything. i sleep way better and am more limber in the morning.
i'll start again tomorrow.
10:09AM
oh man new years is on a friday with a full moon?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
12:01PM
awesomes:
punching shoulders
this little independent grocery store run by a friendly asian family sells ghee and naan and lentils and soaps that smell of cucumber and sandalwood instead of artificial oceans
the jams
not depressing yang with delusional, distracting desires for yin
bodri's near weekly teleconferences desensitizing me to "chi channel this and reward body that"
anime and eve online and theory forts for false thoughts of joy in the nerd skandha
the blessing of being more sensitive to food, many things smell too salty and sugar causes heartburn
they all want it for me more than i do, what fortune i must burn through to eat eggs and take the shurangama for granted with only a lazy appreciation for the literature and putting forth only microscopic, curious, uncommitted effort!
first time making hummus almost from scratch(er, i didn't grind the sesame seeds or chickpeas... but that's only because i don't have a mortar), later this week
perfect weather and great space, hands and feet alternating between warm and frigid depending on my bad habits, cleaning up technique or beginning it,
my prayer for this week is to remember to do nine bottled wind and white skeleton visualization--what awful ghosts must be hiding in my toes!
2:55AM
2nd jam find the scale by ear
quite proud
but not a boasting proud, but a quiet just momentous constant confidence a clear sight of where i am, what i still need to work on, ...but also what i used to want and strive for and found, recently, only two jams where i've corrected by ear
oh, my technique is horrid, doing anything fancy or deeply funky throws my timing off, half my grooves sound like guitar 101 like walk up and down the scale unresponsive to shredding or soundscape guitar from neil so there is plenty of work to be done
breaking a record enthusiastically,
a change over night, some auspicious and fortunate turn--
i used to have a policy; "we jammed yesterday, i am out of commission today"--
tomorrow i promised a good cartoony friend i'd see him for day 3 in a series
good friends;
a good friend is someone better than you, more practiced, more refined, more wise...
an encouraging big brother, whatever their means(direct insults, encouragement, laughably,.)
none of these things matter, a good friend is any inspiration you find to improve
wine helps, once
i call it mud, and i call myself a lotus
whatever, some friends revere sutras and some friends battle them
if they were just some paper we didn't know we really would be better off--too late i stack them neatly and allow no dust to settle
whatever
an object and the mind observing tell me when
or what the difference is
"truth is a sliding floor"
bruford, drummer in yes for a bit also genesis briefly solo career strange man a joke about him in venture brothers even!
"angel, "
in the morning once i decide i'm done sleeping i recite vows
by the time i go to bed i broke all four
one day a long time from now none of it will matter,
comprehending the fundamental source of ignorance and life.
Current mood: lol he has reached this space
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